- September 14, 2021
- Comments: 0
- Posted by: admin
DEAR ABBY: I’m a 16-year-old girl, and I’ve been struggling a little bit. My family is super-Christian. They believe that members of the LGBTQ community are sinful because of who they are. I do not agree.
I have a small group of friends. Two of them have come out to me as bi and gender-fluid. When my family talks about gay people, they say horrible things. I want to tell them what they are saying is wrong and that the mean comments they make apply to my friends, but I’m afraid to give them my opinion. I’m unsure whether I should say anything at all. Can you help me? — KEEPING QUIET IN CALIFORNIA
DEAR KEEPING QUIET: You are free to think the way you do, and to support your friends. However, you are not likely to change the way your parents feel on this subject. Your friends have come out to you, but not to your parents. If you out them to your parents, they may forbid you from seeing those friends. In two years, you will be 18, legally an adult and more able to express your thoughts with fewer negative ramifications. If I were you, I’d wait.
DEAR ABBY: My husband was annoyed and upset by a cricket in the house. He had used insect spray, but it was still chirping, so he asked me to take care of it. I told him I didn’t know how to get rid of a cricket, since we didn’t know where it was exactly. He was banging around the utility room. I called his name and asked him where he had sprayed — no answer. I asked again. No response. I then used his full name, and he got upset that I did! He said it was disrespectful and that I was “treating him like a child.”
I apologized if I had hurt his feelings, but he’s still upset with me because I don’t agree it was disrespectful. Am I wrong? IS it disrespectful to use your husband’s full name when trying to get his attention? — SAD IN NEVADA
DEAR SAD: It’s not disrespectful if you can’t get him to respond any other way. I don’t know what your husband’s relationship was with his mother. Perhaps she used his full name when he ignored her as he did to you when he was “playing cricket.” The next time he tells you to take care of something you can’t handle, pick up the phone and hire a professional. That way you won’t have to inconvenience your husband.
DEAR ABBY: The owner of a store I shop at every week, who I believe is in her 40s, recently posted on her Facebook page that she was having a sale because it was her birthday. I thought it was greedy and inappropriate, as I was always taught that it’s a breach of etiquette to announce that it’s your birthday, especially as an adult. Am I right? Or am I reading too much into this? — BOTHERED IN THE EAST
DEAR BOTHERED: You are reading too much into this. There is nothing wrong about people revealing that it’s their birthday. It doesn’t obligate anyone to fork over anything more than their good wishes. If you decide to shop the sale, all you have to do is say, “How nice! I hope you are enjoying your special day.”
Cancer patient’s wig draws unwanted attention
DEAR ABBY: I was recently diagnosed with breast cancer and I’m undergoing chemotherapy. My children are still in school. I have lost all my hair and wear a wig when out in the community. It closely approximates my pre-cancer hairstyle, except it’s a bit shorter with highlights.
Acquaintances have seen me at events, and complimented me on my hair. Some have asked questions such as, “Did you do something different with your hair? It looks great!” and, “Your hair looks so different. Did you do something new?” I prefer not to share my diagnosis with these individuals. One person even began touching my hair! What is the appropriate response? When I replied, “Thank you,” they stared at me, expecting more of an explanation. — WIG WEARER IN SACRAMENTO, CALIF.
DEAR WIG WEARER: You are not obligated to discuss your medical information with “acquaintances.” “Thank you” should have been enough. However, because it wasn’t, I’m guessing the people doing the probing probably realized you were wearing a wig.
I discussed your question with Piny of Beverly Hills, a longtime wig-maker to performers in show business as well as cancer patients. He told me that handling the question could be as simple as saying you saw it online or in a shop, thought it was cute and have been enjoying wearing it. During our conversation, he shared another tidbit: Many people wear wigs and extensions these days, for a variety of reasons. So many adults have dull or thinning hair that your healthy, shiny locks are somewhat unusual, which may be why people have been quizzing you.
That said, consider wearing your wig to a beauty salon and talking with a stylist about what you’re encountering. Wigs that aren’t custom-made can have so much hair that they don’t look natural — particularly if the wearer didn’t have thick hair to begin with. A good stylist may be able to thin the wig for you so it looks more natural.
DEAR ABBY: I have been living with a secret for more than 17 years. I have a little sister and brother who think I’m their cousin. My father doesn’t want me to tell his wife or them the truth: He’d had an affair with my mother while he was engaged, and I was the result.
My father and I stopped talking a year ago. Since I no longer have to worry about disappointing him, I feel this is the right time to tell them. What do you think? Can I tell them now and possibly start some type of relationship with them? They’re in their mid- to late-20s now. — SECRET CHILD
DEAR SECRET CHILD: Because your half-siblings are now adults, I see no reason why you must remain silent and continue to protect your father. However, because you have NOT had a close relationship with them, I am cautioning you that your news may not be received warmly or regarded as “good” news, particularly by their mother.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.